Friday, December 27, 2013

What I don't understand is our need to feel accepted by others. Who the fuck cares? If someone doesn't appreciate you as you are you don't need them in your life.  I don't understand why we continue to be intimidated by one another.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It started among a beautiful scenery
Waking up to the sun and the sound of the river
Whiskey lips
Dirt ridden finger tips
And there were stars
Oh we're there stars
Cheap beers and fancy hotel rooms
Unspoken truths covered up by mumbled politeness in between polyester sheets
Taking upon different shapes and waves
Telling stories that aren't theirs to tell
Blinded by the fact that he had a story of stars waves and patterns all along

Open the door for me
Let me in
Let me out
Late night cuisine with washed out celebrities dining with their own toys
Surrounded by hills filled with the insane and the frantic anxiously awaiting phone calls

Time passes as I sit and smoke cigarettes in lingerie
They collect dust  and hang off of lingering memories
And for the last time I let him violate me
Offering up a sacrifice
Or what's left at least

Five  o'clock shadows
Two strangers pass
Each sharing a salad with another dressed in bad conversation

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

       I'm coming upon the end of my trip and I think I'm ready to go back to LA. There is a part of me that misses it, and I am ready to take everything I've learned and apply it to my life in Los Angeles. I've learned to be in tune with my emotions and not hide from them. I've created a light and a passion for myself that was slowly dimming while being stuck in the same routine. I left with a broken heart and I'm coming back with a lust for life and a recharged battery.
      Although I know things will still be thrown my way I feel like I can battle them now with a positivity and a happiness I didn't want to lose. I realized I will be open but careful about the people I let into my life and never settle for someone who doesn't fully appreciate me or want to be with me. I am unafraid to want love and want someone who isn't afraid of the same things. I never want to let anyone in who views the world in a negative way.
    Among all things, I want to stay kind and understanding with others. I want people to feel nothing but acceptance and happiness when around me. But I won't chase anyone. There is no point in wasting my time and I will hold the door open for them to walk out of my life. But most importantly, I take responsibility for the mistakes I've made and I don't regret in the things I've done to create who I am today. I forgive myself.
      On a lighter note, I became a vegetarian while here and found a total love for natural products. I also decided I'm going to tie up loose ends in LA and move to Seattle when the time is right. Everyone was so kind there.
      Time for a beautiful journey home. Until then.....


I finally visited the place where my friend, Bryce Lewis, died in 2007. It's something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Even though its been six years, there was a fresh flower and a photo of him on the lamp post.  RIP

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

I made it

While remembering to pull the car over and busting out in a dance party along the coast, of course.  

My sister lives on a beautiful mountain and reuniting myself with nature has been so healing.

My new amethyst crystal giving me good ju-ju while I'm here, yo.

Here is a list of books I bought (at Powell's- the worlds largest bookstore located in Portland) that are must reads while I'm here:

I'll let you know if they are worth picking up. I'm about half way through all of them.


Trees Of Mystery

    The Trees of Mystery is a roadside attraction off of the 101 just South of Oregon. It used to be populated by Native Americans. They called it"The Land of Spirits."
    Its filled with redwood trees which grow in various unique shapes and sizes. For instance, long ago a tree fell over yet various trees grew on top of it and it never decomposed although it was completely unattached to the soil.
    The land was going to be destroyed but a man bought it and turned it into a tourist attraction. Once I got over the touristy feel, it was one of this most puzzling things I've ever seen- not to mention utterly gorgeous. 
   The "End of Trail" museum contains Native American artifacts accompanied by a strange feeling. If you talk to the workers, they will tell you about the Native American spirits that haunt the museum and make their presence known to them.

  I took a beautiful gondola ride above the Trees of Mystery up to a viewing deck in which you could take in the mountain range and survey the Pacific Ocean. I had a moment of silence on the ride down reminding myself that I am present- peering out at the breath taking beauty in spite of the height and a shaky ride.

I also highly suggest going to the back of the shop and looking at the crystal collection. I obtained some beautiful crystals for a very low cost.

 The myth behind crystals.....

Rose Quartz- Famous for attracting and keeping love, rose quartz is also used when it comes to healing one's heart from pain and disappointment.

Optical Calcite- Calcite is also a stone of spirituality and wisdom. Calcite is a protecting, grounding and centering stone, and can help bring inner peace. Since calcite also promotes creativity and imagination, this inner peace it can bring is a vibrant one.
Mica- It is said to help eliminate negative personality traits by helping one recognize them. It is used to diminish anger, hostility, and nervous energy. 

Amethyst-  Amethyst is a meditative and calming stone which works in the emotional, spiritual, and physical planes to provide calm, balance, patience, and peace. Amethyst is a purple quartz believed by the ancient Romans to prevent drunkenness. The word amethyst comes from the Greek word "amethystus" meaning not drunken, or intoxicated.

Geode Halves- Each is unique and provides spiritual aid and growth.


Be at peace with yourself. Compare yourself to the landscape.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Point Reyes

   Point Reyes is a town about an hour north of San Francisco. 

    In Point Reyes there is something called the National Seashore which is high up in elevation and possesses a light house and a panoramic view of the ocean. Sign me up, right? Pretty sure that is exactly where I'm looking to go.

      Nothing prepared me for the beauty I was about to face. The little touristy town is so small, "beachy" and secluded, that it alone was an interesting experience. There is such a simplicity that is lost when living in the city.

    In order to get to the National Seashore you have to drive about twenty miles up- which feels like forever over plows and plows of land filled with cows. There comes a point where you're likeeeeee, "Hoookaiii... where the fuck am I goingggg?!"

    But when you finally reach the site.... ohhh myyy gawwwwww. I must admit, at first I was quite frightened because the winds were blowing harder then anything I've ever experienced (you had to shout to be heard), there wasn't a soul that could be spotted anywhere and I was so high up I could literally touch the clouds. My nerves were at an all time high.

    Continuing to walk behind a rusty gate and trusting that I was going to find something, I kept heading on foot which seemed like another 5 miles in the freezing cold. I finally made it to the lighthouse and it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life. The sound of the wind was replaced by waves crashing and an entire view of the ocean. I can't even describe it. When I would look left there was nothing but water that would never end. When I would look right there was nothing but water that would never end. It was absolutely stunning and breath taking.  
     Finally the cold got the best of me and I had to leave, but if you are near San Francisco, if you don't check it out you will be making a mistake. There's nothing that can knock you off your feet and remind you how human you are- how much more there is to life- than a scene like that.


Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Mount Sutro Hill is a beautiful natural haven in the heart of San Francisco.
I suggest finding this spot to anyone passing by.

Monday, November 18, 2013

I woke up in a strange town.

Ay, San Francisco.
I came into this town with the flu. But I didn't care. Nothing was going to stop me from getting out of LA and beginning my journey.
Although I had mixed emotions here, I tried very hard to find my inner peace. I understood that each thought and emotion that came into my mind was part of the process. I wanted so badly to find myself. I didn't want to be a girl that LA chewed up and spit out. This was my story, this was my world and I planned to create a beautiful haven for myself.

The fog was so beautiful. I looked up at the Golden Gate bridge and tried to push my fever away.

The Pacific Coast Diaries

Everyone who terrifies you is sixty-five percent water.
And everyone you love is made of stardust, and I know sometimes
you cannot even breathe deeply, and
the night sky is no home, and
you have cried yourself to sleep enough times
that you are down to your last two percent, but

nothing is infinite,
not even loss.

You are made of the sea and the stars, and one day
you are going to find yourself again.

(F. Butler)