Tuesday, February 12, 2013

We've reached the end of our chapter

Moving past heart break can be an immense challenge that is difficult to put into words. I have no pride or fight left and I feel as though I am raising my hands to the wind and letting it all go. After being overtly emotional I took a step back and became overly humble. I will not hide the fact that I am not okay and I will take the time to properly heal and mourn as loving someone who does not love you back can be one of the vast pains in life.

I feel grateful in the fact that I do not want to become closed off to people- infact the opposite.  I feel optomistic and accept the closure and dissapointment. To love is a beautiful thing and I will pat myself on the back for the try- as insecure and unlike myself as it was- as opposed to beating myself up anymore. I completley forgive as no one is truly the blame.

I truly have come to terms and something inside me has changed. I feel kinder and resilient- that ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever. I want to lift others up and I never wish disconnect upon anyone.

I will become more vunerable and open with others so I have no regrets in not giving it all. One day someone will be ready to recieve and all my fight will have made sense. Some people come and some people go but it is the ones that stay that are truly yours. The heart is unfortunately and ever so fortunately created to be broken sometimes. It is your effort to adapt and learn and turn a negative into a positive that truly matters most. Letting go, although hard now, is easier then clinging to something that isn't real.

So that is it and that is all I have left in me. I will be honest with myself and accept the outcome. Love and pain are both beautiful things. It reassures we can still feel and that we are moving forward- changing everyday for the better.

I will not give up but I will give up on you.



“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

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