Friday, December 27, 2013

What I don't understand is our need to feel accepted by others. Who the fuck cares? If someone doesn't appreciate you as you are you don't need them in your life.  I don't understand why we continue to be intimidated by one another.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It started among a beautiful scenery
Waking up to the sun and the sound of the river
Whiskey lips
Dirt ridden finger tips
And there were stars
Oh we're there stars
Cheap beers and fancy hotel rooms
Unspoken truths covered up by mumbled politeness in between polyester sheets
Taking upon different shapes and waves
Telling stories that aren't theirs to tell
Blinded by the fact that he had a story of stars waves and patterns all along

Open the door for me
Let me in
Let me out
Late night cuisine with washed out celebrities dining with their own toys
Surrounded by hills filled with the insane and the frantic anxiously awaiting phone calls

Time passes as I sit and smoke cigarettes in lingerie
They collect dust  and hang off of lingering memories
And for the last time I let him violate me
Offering up a sacrifice
Or what's left at least

Five  o'clock shadows
Two strangers pass
Each sharing a salad with another dressed in bad conversation

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

       I'm coming upon the end of my trip and I think I'm ready to go back to LA. There is a part of me that misses it, and I am ready to take everything I've learned and apply it to my life in Los Angeles. I've learned to be in tune with my emotions and not hide from them. I've created a light and a passion for myself that was slowly dimming while being stuck in the same routine. I left with a broken heart and I'm coming back with a lust for life and a recharged battery.
      Although I know things will still be thrown my way I feel like I can battle them now with a positivity and a happiness I didn't want to lose. I realized I will be open but careful about the people I let into my life and never settle for someone who doesn't fully appreciate me or want to be with me. I am unafraid to want love and want someone who isn't afraid of the same things. I never want to let anyone in who views the world in a negative way.
    Among all things, I want to stay kind and understanding with others. I want people to feel nothing but acceptance and happiness when around me. But I won't chase anyone. There is no point in wasting my time and I will hold the door open for them to walk out of my life. But most importantly, I take responsibility for the mistakes I've made and I don't regret in the things I've done to create who I am today. I forgive myself.
      On a lighter note, I became a vegetarian while here and found a total love for natural products. I also decided I'm going to tie up loose ends in LA and move to Seattle when the time is right. Everyone was so kind there.
      Time for a beautiful journey home. Until then.....


I finally visited the place where my friend, Bryce Lewis, died in 2007. It's something I've wanted to do for quite some time. Even though its been six years, there was a fresh flower and a photo of him on the lamp post.  RIP